Naima's Portfolio

Many times throughout history it has been stated that we are all created equal. But just how much truth does this statement hold ?  For someone was born in Lahore, Pakistan but grew up in the United States, this statement means very much to me. Being the inquisitive child that I was I often asked why girls weren’t allowed to do certain things. But how could any parent or adult answer back that we were all equal when they knew deep down in their hearts that there was no truth to this statement, so my questions were ignored. Of course as a child, my attention span didn’t allow me to dwell too much on the subject and sooner or later I’d be back playing with my barbies because remote control cars were for boys. However as I got older my questions became trickier and with my increased attention span I was a force to be reckoned with.

 

Let me first begin by giving a little background on the environment in which I grew up in that led me to my very inquisitive lifestyle. I was born in Lahore, Pakistan an islamic run country. This meant that certain religious and cultural values were already implemented into society and within my family. I was constantly surrounded by women doing household chores while the men were at work. So even at the small age of 4 I was in the kitchen with my grandma learning how to cook something, or sitting in the living room with my mom learning how to sew while the boys would be able to go out on the streets and play (apparently it was too dangerous for a girl). This was my life and I did not know anything else and didn’t really question much of it at the time.

 

Later on when my mother divorced my father (a scandalous and very unpredictable thing for a woman to do in my family) she decided to shift to America and raise me on her own despite the discouragement on my family’s part. Even though my mother made the choice to move she held onto her traditional ideals very tightly throughout the entirety of my childhood. Even now after being fully integrated into American society and culture she still attaches herself to those past ideals and encourages me to do the same. I grew up in New York and Virginia but I visited Pakistan often which made me and my family very in touch with our roots. Therefore I lived just like any immigrant shifting to the U.S., a very hybrid lifestyle. So every day of the week meals would consist of some form of rice but Sundays were reserved for pasta, hot dogs, or hamburgers.

 

This led me to live a very privileged lifestyle, well at least in my perspective. I was able to go school and wear American clothes and even learn some American ideals that I would have never been taught if I was still living in Pakistan. Slowly I was beginning to see the differences of my life in Pakistan to my life in America. Here girls were allowed to go outside and be by themselves without the supervision of a male. They didn’t have to fully cover themselves and were allowed to present their opinions in the presence of a male. And the strangest concept to me was that a woman could drive. Back at home it was considered too dangerous for a woman to do even that. Here both girls and boys were treated far more equally than back in Pakistan. But that didn’t change things for me. My family (my mom and and a few distant relatives) here still acted as if we were living in 15th century Pakistan where girls had absolutely no say in any matter whatsoever.  Actually scratch that, my family acted as if we were living in the 21st century in Pakistan, there really was no significant difference between those two centuries, for women at least. The only difference was that by now we had women participating in politics. In fact by this time a woman had become prime minister for the first time but even that did not change the overall view and role of women within my country or my family. This is where my questioning began.

 

Around the age of 8 (roughly around 2nd grade) I had become accustomed to my hybrid lifestyle. I acted different way in school then I did at home but slowly some of my easy going school behavior would slip into my home life and get me into trouble. I remember asking my mom to go to a friend’s birthday party once and she acted as if I had asked her for million dollars (of course her answer was no). I didn’t understand why my family wouldn’t let me act like the girls here. I mean I was learning the language and getting an education here so didn’t I deserve to act the girls my age as well ? Back in Pakistan the answer my family members gave to any question involving why a girl couldn’t do something was because “it was dangerous”. But surely America was a much safer country so why couldn’t I go outside? Hangout with my friends at the mall? Or suddenly have an opinion ? Surely my last question could not be answered with “It is too dangerous”. My mom could repeat that line all she wanted but it would never answer that question or the questions I later asked because it had nothing to do with a danger to me, rather it was danger to the ideal that my family had created for girls or more specifically me. I was to remain the quiet obedient girl who cooked with her grandma and sewed clothes with her mother but that is not who I was anymore. My mother’s ideals might have remained frozen but mine had definitely melted away into something else.

 

I feel very privileged to have lived the life I have right now compared to the girls in Pakistan who would never even be allowed to voice their opinions on this matter. If I had grown up under any other circumstances then I probably would not be writing this now. The thing  that  I, along with many other girls who have parents from islamic countries but grew up in a westernized societies, can see are both perspectives and not be afraid to discuss the differences. There was one moment in my life that was a defining factor of why I chose to continue with my inquisitiveness as my mother calls it. I remember one night my mom was having a get together with family and friends for some reason and sometime between the coffee and cake were served a conversation of about politics started. The ladies were sitting on one side of the room drinking their coffee and gossiping about absolute nonsense such as their daughter in laws and other mundane topics while on the other side of the room the men were sitting there having what they thought to be a very “smart” conversation about politics or world relations. Of course my head was turned towards their conversation because I had a certain interest in that sort of stuff. They were discussing the Syrian conflict. As I listened to their conversation I started to notice that these people had no idea what they were talking about. Their facts were wrong, biased, and inaccurate. So I interrupted them and stated my well researched opinion on the matter. They just stared at me as if I had just grown two heads. I know what I said was true and factual however they looked at me as if I had just said the most ridiculous thing in the world. One of them then stated that politics and conversations like these weren't a matter for girls to discuss. They just dismissed me and continued on with their ridiculous conversation. I was left there thinking does my opinion on this topic really not matter just because of the fact that I am a girl ? How is it that after Pakistan has had a woman as a prime minister that politics are still no place for girls? Instances such as these made want to stand up and break the status quo for girls who had to go through what I did on a daily basis.  I understood why the men reacted the way they did. They reacted like any superior would act to their inferior. My opinion was disregarded because as a girl I was their inferior (or so they thought) and anything I had to say was pointless. It was as if I was talking to a brick wall. Nothing I said would make them budge or make any difference in the matter.

 

Speaking to the women in my family was an entirely different matter. I often expressed my opinions on injustices regarding women with the women in my family because aside from myself who else would agree with me? (certainly not the men) I remember speaking about the subject of honor killings, something much worse than me simply complaining about why women weren’t allowed to do certain things. I thought surely I would get a strong reaction out of them this time. An honor killing is the killing of a relative, especially a girl or woman, who is perceived to have brought dishonor on the family. This is something that happens a lot in islamic countries and it usually deals with when a woman has been raped but there are many other circumstances such as rejecting an arranged marriage and in some cases even trying to move away from her family and live on her own. So when a woman has brought “dishonor” upon her family in someway shape or form she deserves to die. After I spoke about the subject and how wrong it was I asked the women in my family for their opinions on the matter. All I received was complete silence. They just stared at me as if the subject had not fazed them at all. I was expecting some sort of a reaction (even someone telling me to “be quiet and go to my room”) but I did not expect silence. I didn’t understand whether the silence was from the subject matter or just because they were too afraid to say anything about it. Either way it infuriated me to a point where I was just disappointed with them. I never really spoke about that subject again. Looking back on that day I realize that they were tongue tied for a reason and thaat I should have approached them differently with this topic. I could tell by the looks on their faces though they that knew something was morally wrong but they were too afraid to say anything against it in fear of insulting their religion, culture, or ideals. I can understand why they did what they did. Women in my culture generally aren't used to expressing their opinions so openly about such a terrible subject.

 

In many islamic countries this is the norm. Women do nothing in fear of breaking free of the status quo. They fear the worst will happen if they suddenly start to modernize (or how as my family calls it; westernize). In their eyes I am too bold. However I don’t necessarily believe that is the case. I am not bold but rather observant. I hope one day use my boldness to join U.N. Women. This isn’t to prove anyone wrong but to show people that I am capable of entering a “man’s domain” and making it regardless of my gender. That my opinions do matter and that the questions I ask are serious concerns that need to be dealt with.  What makes this important to me is that fact that it shows that anyone can be whatever they want to be without any restrictions or guidelines. I can do anything I want to do. That if I can accomplish such a feat than maybe I will shift the paradigm of my family and soon girls will look up to me for what I have done for them. Soon the women will start regarding issues such as honor killings as something that they urgently need to discuss. Now daughters, nieces, and granddaughters don’t just have to grow up to be mothers, aunts, or grandmothers, that is not their goal in life. They have an alternative option, to find and be themselves. To do what they want without any consequences or regret. It will be a marvelous accomplishment on my part, not just for myself but for every woman in my family who has wanted to break the status quo.